Self-compassion and pain management

By Karen Bruno, PT

Can self-compassion really help when you are in pain?
Let’s explore this. First, what is self-compassion? Self-compassion is giving yourself kindness, forgiveness and understanding when confronted with personal failures or discomfort. Basically, it means giving yourself the care and gentleness that you would give to a beloved friend or a child who is in need of support. In the words of Dr. Kristen Neff, a self -compassion expert and teacher, "Instead of mercilessly judging yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?" (1)  It is an acceptance of your humanness even when things don’t go your way.
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So, what does self- compassion have to do with chronic pain? Recent research suggests that self-compassion is associated with better outcomes, such as lower levels of depression, pain-anxiety, physical and psychosocial disability, and higher levels of pain acceptance. Higher levels of self-compassion supports engagement in meaningful activities and use of pain coping strategies. (2)

What does that mean for you?

• Lower levels of depression, sadness and anxiety.
• Less physical and psychological stress.
• Higher levels of pain acceptance and engagement.
• Improved ability to perform meaningful activities and use pain coping skills.
• Better overall outcomes, function and quality of life.

Self-compassion has been found to be beneficial in situations related to the ineffective way we respond to things, how we talk to ourselves and the behaviors we engage in. So, when you notice yourself  worrying, thinking or talking negatively, isolating yourself, or beating  yourself up, choose to use a better approach of treating yourself with care, gentleness and kindness. (3)
 
What can you do?

• Meditate. Practices such as mindfulness, breath meditation or any other physiological quieting methods help us to reduce tension and train us to tune into our needs to better take care of ourselves. Here is a link to some guided meditations: https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/
• Consider treating yourself the way you would treat a close friend or a small child. How might you respond to them with kindness and gentleness?
• Remind yourself that you are worthy of kindness and compassion.
•  Take a self-compassion break. What do you need to hear? What do you need to give yourself? How can you encourage yourself and be patient, kind and forgiving to yourself?
• Explore self-compassion through writing. Start by writing about your concerns.  Next, write yourself a letter from the perspective of a loving friend. The last step is to let yourself receive those kind words, allowing love and compassion to soothe and comfort you.
• Practice supportive touch.
  1. Putting your hands on your body and taking some conscious breaths can be relaxing. 
  2. Place your hands over your heart and breathe comfortably. Notice the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe. Do this for as long as needed to calm your nervous system. 
  3. If it is convenient, put your hands over the area of pain and breathe love and nourishing oxygen into the region. 
  4. Place one hand over your heart and one hand over the abdomen. Breathe gently and consciously- 4 seconds in and 4 seconds out. This is a great way to relax as you drift off to sleep.   

 
This PDF download summarizes the relationship between self-compassion and pain.
 
Self-care is also an integral component of self-compassion.
We have heard it before from the airlines, "“put your own mask on first, then help someone else." Remember that you are your own best advocate and as you care for yourself, you model for others how to care for themselves, you teach others how you want to be treated, and you harness the resources to be of service to others. Just do it! You are worth it.
 
"Life is full of disappointments, failures and setbacks. None of those things can permanently stop you. You have the power within you to overcome anything that life throws at you. There is nothing more powerful than a made up mind. Surround yourself with people who remind you that you matter, and support you in ways that matter most to you. No person, situation or circumstance can define who you are. Don't give up, cave in or stop believing that it's possible. It's not over until you win."
-Unknown

Notes 

1. Website: selfcompassion.org
2. Paper: The relation of self-compassion to functioning among adults with chronic pain. Eur J Pain. 2019 Sep;23(8):1538-1547. doi: 10.1002/ejp.1429. Epub 2019 Jun 11.
3. Audio: Integrative Pain Science Institute podcast